stevetassie (stevetassie) wrote in standupcomics,

Fascinating new business opportunity...

My wife and I are cursed. That's the only explanation I can come up with for why there's a five alarm blaze going on at Sassafrazz restaurant right now. Let me explain.
In September 2001, my wife (then my girlfriend) and I took our first vacation together. We left on September 7th. Then September 11th happened. We hadn't taken another vacation together until our honeymoon this past October. We got engaged in July, 2005, with plans for an October 2006 wedding and a honeymoon to New Orleans. Well, a month after we'd decided to visit the Big easy, hurricane Katrina paid her visit. So no New Orleans for us. We still went on honeymoon, but instead we went to Niagara Falls. While in Niagara Falls, not only did baseballer Corey Lidle crash his plane into a New York city high rise (for those keeping score, that's 2 vacations and three planes crashing into NYC skyscrapers), but the Buffalo/Fort Erie/ Niagara Falls receives a devastating, unseasonable snow storm which downs trees and power lines and closes airports.
What's this have to do with Sassafrazz catching fire? I'm glad you asked.
Tomorrow is my wife's birthday. As a wedding gift, her work gave us a substantial gift certificate for Sassafrazz, and I had made reservations for a nice dinner for two to celebrate the birth of my lady love. So what happens? The towering fucking inferno, that's what!
So where does the business opportunity come in? I'm glad you asked that, too.
I am hereby offering up the services of my wife and myself, to resort and travel destinations worldwide and local dining and entertainment establishments. What services? Disaster avoidance consultants. You simply pay us one dollar a day, every day for the rest of our lives and we will NOT make plans to patronize your restaurant or book holidays in your fair town, burg, hamlet or resort. We will protect you from natural disasters, acts of terrorism, war and idiot sports professionals.
So please, if you know anyone in the hotel, resort or restaurant business, please pass on our email address
Surely $365 a year is a small price to pay to ensure the safety of your establishment and your paying customers?
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